CHECKMATE - IT’S A FLY ON THE WALL

Before I school you in what is about to become your worst ever defeat, I have a confession to make. Earlier this week, while I was pretending to be doing some very serious work at the office, I was busy stealing tweets from twitter; hope you weren't expecting gist like my girlfriend is pregnant, oloshi. In fact, this one particular tweet reached out to me, it literarily spoke Igbo and called my name, it said, “Bia CJ nnwam, gu ife! - Come CJ my child, read sometin!”

As I was scrolling down my TL (Timeline), I noticed that someone had retweeted more of those quotes that they seem to keep pulling out of someone’s A.S.S. It can be annoying jare *smiley face* but for some reason, this one message caught my attention, it had a bunch of interesting words in it. See for yourself: 

“Most gods throw dice but Fate plays chess and you don’t find out till too late that he’s been playing with two queens all along” - Terry Pratchett 

These words from Sir Terence David John Prachet, Terry Pratchett for short, struck me for two main reasons. The first is that starting a game of chess with two queens is simply cheating. A queen is, in my opinion, the most versatile of all the 16 pieces on one side of a chess board and so playing with two queens is like having Wonder-Woman and Super-Girl on the same squad; you don lose be dat! The second reason was simple mathematics; Dr Fate plus queen-one plus queen-two equals a legit tricycle ride. Terry you sly dog, I see what you did there…threesome! I know, I know, the tricycle bit is a tad lewd but it isn’t my fault, my mind did the thinking not me. You might be wandering why this Revary (oh, that's me) of a dude is going on and on about chess today, don’t worry I’ll tell you. . .soon, but first, let's deviate a little. 

Whether you are trying to run a babe or you are running for an election, life is pretty much the same; it's almost always just a game. Even Jadakiss agrees with me (him @Therealkiss, me @CJ_Awele)

"@TherealKiss: Every day above ground is a chess move." 

If you are attempting the former (Pur-shoeing woman), you must first and foremost go scouting, find a target, buy flowers, plan dates then dinners and if she falls, you win. If the latter is your ambition (You wan be Senator) then you must first and foremost be loaded (have owo in excess), find a party, buy supporters (behind the scenes of course), plan campaigns, dine with the ‘devils’ and when the people vote, you might win. I personally do not believe in chance. If a mosquito 'randomly' bites me or a fly 'randomly' perches on me, it is either I kill it and everything is okay or it escapes in which case it must be an evil arrow from the witches in my village; I believe we make our own luck.

Senator Bukola Abubakar Saraki and Senator Yakubu Dogara just recently seized the seats of Senate President and Speaker of the House of Representatives respectively, against the wishes of their own political party, The APC; neither man played by the rules, both men had to become bed fellows with their main opposition, The PDP, to achieve their goals. So what’s your excuse? Fate wants to win against you so badly that he's playing with an unfair advantage, still, don’t let him win; turn the tables, be an underdog, beat destiny and be great! 

Now still hol' up a minute, your inevitable thrashing is on its way but wouldn’t you like to know how this genius and egomaniac (me again, The Revary) learnt to play so well? Yes? No? I will tell you either way. My uncle taught us and by 'us' I mean my older brother and I. To be honest, I had forgotten this and had started to believe that I was a natural like Paul Morphy (1837-1884; allegedly the greatest of all time, considered the ultimate player by age 21) but my brother reminded me of my long forgotten humble beginnings.

It was back then when there were no such things as laptops, only big desktops running on Windows 95. A new computer had just been installed in my house and my uncle, now that I think of it, probably thought it wise to teach us how to do something on the system before 'dem kids' experiment and break the million dollar machine (My papa for don kill us!). The man must have had an epiphany to have been able to have taught a couple of Power Rangers loving toddlers such an intricate game.

I was barely 6 at the time, my older brother was something close to 8. Uncle A (my uncle) said to us "Okay look, there are only 6 different types of pieces on the board, this one (he clicked on a pawn) moves like this (he moves it and says) 'one'; this one that looks like a horse (he clicks on a knight) moves like this (he moves it and says) 'one, one, two'; this one (he clicks on a rook) can move anyhow up, down and side to side; this funny looking one is a bishop”. "Bishop?” I repeated, "Like fada in the church?" He laughs and says “No, but it can move like this (he makes an X on the screen); this one (he clicks on the queen) can move like all the others except the horse and this (he clicks on the final piece) is the king, it is the most important piece. If computer eats it, game over!” I nodded frantically but the Lord knows that I probably did not hear a word my uncle had spent the last five minutes explaining.

From my experience, the key to being great at chess is knowing the answer to the question, "Who is king?" For me, the king is the future, and I will always bet my all on tomorrow. Part of the trick to the game is to protect your pawns just as much as your Kinghts, Bishops, Rooks and Queen (unfortunately many do not see this) because when the chips are down, the little things you pay no attention to in life become like magic rabbits; they pop out, like quotes from a 'twitter hat', and can even become your source of inspiration. When your pawn breaches your enemy’s defence and makes it all the way across the battlefield, it transforms to whatever noble it feels like, even a Queen; such potential!

Life is really just a game of chess and if you do not know who or what it is that is most important to you, what targets you plan to achieve at all legal and scrupulous costs then I am sorry to say, you will probably not win against Fate.

Yes, the wait is over, ‘soon’ has arrived and the answer to your ‘wanderings - why I'm going on about chess’ a little while back is Game of Thrones! The show is honestly just an awesome chess game! If you do not watch GOT then you certainly cannot appreciate my feelings at this very moment; Cloud 99+1! I watched episodes 8 and 9 of Season 5 back to back *drools* and after watching the last scenes of episode 9, I said to myself “Yes! I want to be a fly too!!!” If my happiness is giving you headache, here, take Panadol (Pain Killer) and keep kwayet.

By the way, we have been playing all this while and now the board looks like this; I am black and you are white. Also, in case you have not figured it out yet, the 'Fly on the wall' is Khaleesi's dragon; really if you don't already, go and watch Game of Thrones!

This is game over; you should have listened to Terry and paid more attention, I am Dr Fate for today and the two queens belong to the Revary (*wink* Mu-ha-ha-ha! Look closely at the chess board).

Checkmate!

[P.S. Forget all the wash I dey wash inside this article o, one small boy like that kee me finish for chess yesterday, I wan die, if no be for God eh....I for find excuse beat the boy sef, lol]


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