LAS GIDI – THE CITY OF HUSTLE

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'Welcome to Lagos' was the first sign you would see when entering Las Gidi some many years ago, just like you can still see ‘Welcome to …’ at the entrance to states like Osun, Akwa Ibom and Sokoto. Today, that welcome address has been changed, redesigned if you will and in my opinion, the new greeting is more in line with what Lagos has become, it says, 'Change Your Thinking'.

Las Gidi - the unofficial re-christening - has become the city of hustle, many men have left the shadows of their fathers’ lands in search of fame and fortune in the concrete jungle that is Nigeria's economic capital. A land where being the king-pin of the infamous 'Area Boys' could mean you become an instant millionaire, a land where being an importer/exporter and selling goods in the 'makeet' (market) is a superbly lucrative venture, a land where owning a convenience store the size of a phone booth can sustain your struggle and a land where there are many suit&tie opportunities, take your pick. Lagos is truly a land for all peoples to turn a profit, if and only if they dare.

The beauty of 'Lag', as it is also popularly abbreviated is that it is not restricted to only Nigerians, not by a long shot. In fact, foreign nationals like the Chinese, Lebanese and Indians have become so comfortable here that you would be foolish to mistake them for 'tourist grade' travellers. For instance, I have personally seen on several occasions my people from The People's Republic of China riding on okada a.k.a. commercial motorbikes, a friend of mine even saw a fervent China-man the other day, arguing viciously with a conductor for his change. If you want to speak of adaptability, I present to you the Nigerian-Lebanese (as I like to call them) who have become so fluent in speaking Pidgin English that they can sell you, a native Lagosian, don't test them. I also hear that the Indians have refused to carry last, they now prefer Eba and Egusi (E&E) to Biryani or Chutney - google Indian foods. I don’t even think there is a need to mention that our African brothers; the Femi Kwames (Ghanaians), Obinna Gnassingbes (Togolese) and Bello Yayis (Beninians) are all present, playing the struggle game beautifully.

Now, let me explain why the new warning to first timers - Johnny Just Come a.k.a. JJC - to Lagos to change their thinking is very important. You see, many in the multitude of nooks and crannies of various towns and villages in Nigeria and beyond hear of the riches and allure of Lagos and rush in, only to discover that most of the shine they have heard of is fool’s gold. People forget that Lagos has been unofficially rechristened Las Gidi for a reason, or perhaps the merchants who spin tales of the vast opportunities that lie forget to mention the other side of the story, these merchants seem to sell only the tip of the tail. The other side is that Las Gidi, Lagos, the city of gidi-gidi is hustle personified. So before you decide to pack your bags and come slumming it Gidi style, remember that this is not Nollywood; you may be an underdog in your village but in Lagos, you most certainly may not become a millionaire.

But hey, don’t let me rain on your parade.

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There are a number of legal ways into Lagos - of course the bush paths are innumerable - and all, as one would expect, see their fair share of traffic. There is the Lagos-Badagry expressway which leads to Nigeria’s boarder with the Republic of Benin, Seme Boarder; there is the Lagos-Ibadan expressway that leads to Ibadan and also sets you on the path to the East; the Lagos-Abeokuta expressway passing by Toll-Gate, Ota, takes you to the Senator Ibikunle Amosun transformed Ogun State capital, Abeokuta (ABK); the Lekki expressway takes you through Epe to Ijebu land, home of the infamous Ijebu garri - they need to patent that product - and then there is the Shagamu road that goes to well, Shagamu, where there is a permanent NYSC camp.

Whichever way you may decide to come through, a concrete jungle is nevertheless still a jungle and the jungle rules still apply; kill or be killed! Figuratively of course. So, always remember that there are vultures waiting for their next meal, don’t become somebody's dinner.

Now, enough with the dark sides and grim tales, let’s get to the beautiful sides of Lagos, the reward that awaits you if you beat the odds and make it to the top.

Within the same city where we have places like Ajegunle and Mushin, we have Ikoyi and Victoria Island; the disparity between ‘I don hammer’ and ‘I dey come’ is deeper than Nigerian men’s love for Premiere League, Champion’s League and international football put together. The real gold in Lagos is beautiful, if and only if you can grab it. When you have been through the pits of the city and you survive, the prize is glorious. A massive house in Banana Island, at least four cars: Benz C-Class, one Hummer, two Prado; next, a beautiful #TeamLightSkin wife or #TDH hubby (your preference of course) and then a 9-digit bank account - you live like royalty!

When you have made it in the city of hustle, problems like NEPA; no light, house; no food and side chick; no allowance become a thing of the past. You have become a made-man - or woman - and you can more often than not do as you please. In fact, you will even be given police escort so that the people ‘wey still dey come’ no go block your road. At this point it is necessary to inform you that some people are fortunate, they do not need to jump into the ring to sweat and break bones, they simply have to be average and their fathers' names will do the rest. Don’t get jealous, if you have any problems with it, go and complain to your father.

It was once reported that living in Lagos was - and still may be - more expensive than living in Los Angeles in the US, but this should not deter you. If you were born with that ‘I go make am’ spirit like me and you believe deep down that you can survive, then I welcome you to Lagos, the Lagos after you have survived the hustle.

See you at the top!

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THE 16 YEAR PLAN

"An illiterate society is a useless one in words and in deed. The collapse of education in Nigeria has contributed in no small measure to the general malaise afflicting and ravaging our land today."
– Dele Momodu

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Education, the pillar on which every serious and purposeful nation or sovereignty that has ever existed has been built, is something Nigeria does not seem to be getting right. Despite the claims by parties - political and not - that they can move our country forward, the truth remains that without a sound educational system or even a semblance of one, we are going nowhere! 

The current system in the country has failed, in my opinion, producing a lot of graduates that, to put it mildly, do not know their lefts from their rights. Even taking a step before graduation, the quality of students leaving secondary schools today is nothing to write to your grandmother about; the terribly abysmal WAEC results in recent times clearly spells this out. Still taking another step backwards, barely anyone remembers the once popular final primary school examinations that once made headlines (on the Backyard News Network), making young children carry books like ‘Ugo C. Ugo’ that were often bigger than they were. I wonder what the trend for the Common Entrance examination is these days.

The Nigerian educational system is in dire need of resuscitation, recent attempts to fix problems in the sector have not yielded much tangible fruit; as I write this, the failure rates still remain largely unchanged. The Tertiary Education Trust Fund (TETFUND) and State Universal Basic Education Board (SUBEB) Fund are examples of ‘gallant’ efforts to revive our schools but the method of application of these funds is a topic for another day. I believe the lack of success of these efforts, notwithstanding the issues in implementation, is due primarily to their being channeled in the wrong direction. We have a fundamental problem yet solutions are being targeted at the symptoms and not the disease. One thing is that we Nigerians tend to focus solely on the ‘end’, we complain about final products but do little to scrutinize the full process holistically.

The situation with our educational system is no different, we are quick to condemn lecturers and universities, as we rightfully should, for their incompetence and flaws (where they exist), but we fail to criticize the rotting and dilapidated primary schools that are more often than not, in our very own backyards. You should have heard of students sitting under trees for classes in some so called schools by now, if you had not, you have now. So who are we kidding? We expect Ahmadu Bello University (ABU), University of Ibadan (UI) and University of Benin (UNIBEN) to produce top notch graduates but we feed them second tier undergraduates, we expect Barewa College, King’s & Queen’s Colleges and Federal Government College Warri students to achieve distinctions in WAEC, NECO and JAMB but we feed them teenagers with the intellects of toddlers. No, it is not possible; miracles do not work that way.

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Our current status quo is an expression of another of our fundamental problems today. We have to change our thinking. We have to start looking at the path we follow and not just that the fact that we arrive; we have to step out of our own shadows. We have to sit down, think deeply, ask the right questions and design an appropriate solution to our moribund educational system; we need to plan!

Looking around the world at countries that have made it or that are currently making it, one can see that there is a positive correlation between their success and mass quality education. The United States (US) has most of the top universities in the world - 37% of its young population are tertiary graduates, Japan’s University of Tokyo is ranked one of the world’s top ten by several organizations - 40% of its young population are tertiary graduates and even our very own South Africa houses most of the top African universities - 12.1% of its above 20 population are tertiary graduates, despite its recent outburst of xenophobia. These three nations are just some of the well-known examples. Education, formal or not so formal, is one of the only things that can take a people ‘somewhere’. Our Nigerian institutions and students are seething with potential but it is a shame that the current structure leaves that potential as it simply is, potential, instead of harnessing such latent power to help the nation 'make it'. If you are in doubt of the immense potential, click diaspora to see what Nigerians outside Nigeria have achieved. Let’s get to the plan.

[The Background] There are six years of primary school, six years of secondary school and about four years in university. Adding all the school years together we get sixteen, sixteen years. This is the basis of my plan but I must confess at this point that it is not a fool-proof solution to the existing problem in the educational sector but rather more of a guiding path that can be improved upon before being followed. My plan is called the sixteen year plan because it will actually take at least sixteen years for its full effects to enter society. This is a long time, I know, but remember that the patient rat gets to eat food from the pot when the cat leaves the kitchen.

[The Plan] The sixteen year plan (16-yp) refers to a complete reformatting of our current educational output, or so to speak. It does not involve a change in curriculum or anything so drastic, although I believe the current syllabus is in need of some tweaking. The plan is to gradually change the quality of students in our institutions starting from year ‘N₀’, when the first set of students to be affected by 16-yp is admitted into their first primary class across the country. I should step back a bit here; part of the restructuring of the scheme is to gradually replace old and retiring teachers with a new wave of newly employed and properly trained teachers. I am not insinuating that our current teaching staff is not properly trained but this sketch of a plan aims to leave no room for errors, it is a holistic resurrection.

Now, the new set of teachers will begin teaching with the new set of pupils and as the pupils progress from grade to grade, new 16-yp quality of teachers will be continually added to schools as the older teachers retire and leave the service. There will be minimal educational contact between old staff and the ‘new pupils’ (Old teachers who still have significant years of service to render may also receive training on the 16-yp ideology). This plan is not a fire brigade approach; it takes into cognizance the system in place and attempts to make pertinent changes without causing unnecessary unrest in the system. For this plan to work, schools across the country have to be improved to international standards and the training the new teachers are to receive needs to be what is attainable in countries like South African, Japan and the US. More importantly, the minimum requirement and level of remuneration for educators needs to be raised, to attract bright minds to the service.

The first major sign of progress of the scheme should be seen from a generally improved common entrance result six years after commencement of the 16-yp programme but I know this will not be enough to convince the world. Yet another sign of improvement will be a better ‘Junior WAEC’ result than has been seen in recent times, still I am sure there will be doubters. The first major incontestable sign that education has evolved would be an unbelievable WAEC result, more ‘A’s than would have been seen in the last ten years combined. The first generation of a new Nigeria would be on the right track, twelve years after we would have set their course. After sixteen years, we should have a new set of engineers, lawyers, medical personnel, scientists, social scientists, technicians and even artists that will propel Nigeria into another world. It is worthy to note that every educational opportunity to be obtained during this new regime is to be by merit, no longer shall we lower the bar for any individuals.

Fixing education from the foundation upwards is the only way to build, as my learned lawyer friends would put it; “Nihil fit ex nihilo ” meaning,  “Nothing comes from nothing.” I castigate the system that produced me knowing full well that I am indicting myself, but the truth must be told. I believe that for Nigeria to show its seriousness to progress, its drive to join the League of Nations, my dear country must first find a way to teach her children. No more half-baked and partially polished minds, we need our gems to shine and our bread to remain in the oven until it browns.

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God bless The Federal Republic of Nigeria and beg our brothers in South Africa to stop killing us!


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JIMI VERSUS AMBO – THE BATTLE FOR LAGOS

“Gbagaun, gidon, gbagaun…(Town crier rings)” My people, the second round of elections is here and the battle is on (Town crier leaves)!  The race to see who will become the Governor of the states is about to begin but of the thirty six, only twenty nine will be holding gubernatorial elections this year. Previous election results that were overturned by the courts are the reason for this state of affairs but I do not believe that staggered elections hurt our democracy; on the contrary, I believe they help it. Now, of those set to rumble, the polls seem already decided in places like Delta and Katsina (judging from the massive one-sidedness seen in round one, the presidential). That notwithstanding, there are still those for whom the decision is far from made, their races are tight and too close to call, for instance Plateau and Lagos. Alas, the tides have changed since the outcome of the first round; allegiances have shifted, smiles have turned to frowns and frowns to smiles, even new words have been created: jega – to be calm and orubebe – to disturb/make noise, so we have to buckle up and hold on to our seats, this is a wild election, and guns are blazing.

These 2015 elections have so far seen the awakening of the average Nigerian; the nation just seems to have woken up from its Snow White like slumber. If you ask me, I think it was hunger that woke the people up, as I am sure you will agree, ‘hunger no dey allow man sleep’. So no matter the evil witches (political parties) or their poison apples (stomach infrastructure), hunger (no need for explanation) is sure to overcome all. The war of the kings has been fought and now, would be generals are lining up, throwing their hats in the ring, to see who will reign alongside the new king of NairaLand. I have already written my letter to President Buhari, maybe he will hire me as a Dark Knight in his new administration.

The general (governor) of Lagos as we should know is like the second president of Nigeria, he is one of the only citizens, except the first lady of course, that can battle the number one citizen and survive (ask Tinubu or Obasanjo). Lagos is a special state, not only for its economic might but also for its vast collection of Nigerians. I often like to believe that the 371 tribes and 521 languages in the country are well represented within the borders of Las Gidi (Lagos). The population of the state (about 21 million) rivals that of countries like Ghana (24 million) and surpasses others like Belarus and Togo (about 9 million each) and the 3,577 sq.km that is Lagos is probably one of the most densely African populated areas in the world. So, permit me to focus on one particular showdown; the scuttle in the South-West, the clash for the commercial capital, the battle for Lagos!

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The contestants in this Lagos 2015 race are Mr Jimi Agbaje of the PDP and Mr Akinwunmi Ambode of the APC, both with female deputies. The two sides have not relented in their campaigns, reeling out slogans and theme songs at every turn, a lot of these are quite catchy (I sing some of them in the shower). The battle for Eko has seen many accusations and counter accusations shot and dodged but neither contestant has been seen to be losing his cool, both feathers are completely unruffled, what poise! The only unfortunate phenomenon in this chronicle is the wedge being driven into cracks that are tribal divides. Indigenes are pitted against non-indigenes, Yoruba against Igbo; we will get to that later.

First, let’s get to know our candidates a bit better. Mr Jimi Agbaje aka uncle JK is a pharmacist by profession, a business man who has risen up the ranks of his industry, owning his own pharmaceutical and chemical company since 1982. He has been elected to sensitive positions in Nigeria’s professional pharmaceutical bodies, working with Lagos and has been a politician since 2005. Mr Akinwunmi Ambode aka uncle Ambo is an accountant, an administrator and a public finance management expert. He is a civil servant of many years and has been one of the key players in the affairs of Lagos state since the times of the new evil genius (IBB is the old evil genius), the godfather of APC himself, Asiwaju Bola Tinubu.

Back to the divides, the Oba of Lagos, Oba Rilwan Akiolu, recently generated some commotion in his domain with a rather unbefitting statement from a traditional ruler. The retired police officer was reported as saying that the Igbo people who are resident in the state would drown in the Lagos Lagoons if they refused to vote for the candidate of his choice. The statement expectedly drew criticism and ire, bringing even the youths (like myself) into the discussion on facebook, twitter and other social media platforms. Oba Rilwan Akiolu’s words were to say the least very inciting but I hear he has tendered some apologies for his rancorous words.

As we have seen from the presidential elections, the polls in Lagos are divided almost equally between the two leading political parties. Certain factions of the people want change in the state just as they have seen in the presidential scenario; others are of the opinion that this is potentially the first time Lagos will ally politically with the Federal Government. As with Nigeria Decides there are pros and cons to each side of the divide. On one hand, I believe a balance of powers is necessary. This balance of powers is what allowed an opposition party such as the APC to rise and defeat the incumbent government, a system of checks and balances is needed in any democratic institution and what better check than the second president of Nigeria going to the opposition. On the other hand, Lagos has honestly achieved a lot without explicit support from Abuja, one can only imagine what possibilities lie ahead of a Lagos receiving its due from the ‘oga on top’. A collusion of two great powers has a potentially limitless bound; I even shudder at the thought of what could be.

As JK mockingly calls for ‘Change’ in Lagos, Uncle Fash (Governor Babatunde Raji Fashola) writes his citizens a letter where he claims that APC has a better track record than its greatest opposition, the PDP. I must, however, cordially and unbiasedly remind him that the APC is a new party and is not necessarily the same as ACN or AC but I cannot argue with him on the issue on Fire service. Call them APC or ACN, the fire on 23 Road - Festac Lagos is a testament to the Lagos fire service. So, should we trust Uncle Fash?

The political season is coming to an end, after this second round, the politics and all its attendant fanfare will be gone with the wind. Will the third time runner, Jimi Agbaje win or will four be his lucky number like Buhari, meaning that he will concede this round to Asiwaju’s anointed, Akinwunmi Ambode. Whatever history will record will be determined by your votes, however, I am disappointed to say that of the about 5.8 million registered voters in Lagos, only 3.8 million collected their Permanent Voter’s Cards (PVC) and even a more abysmal number, 1.5 million actually turned up to vote for round one, out of a total population of about 21 million (7% turn out). Would you be happy if this was your child’s exam score? Please for round two, don’t disappoint me, come out and vote. I leave you with a quote from Uncle Fash:

“They have handed today to you and I, can we secure tomorrow for the next generation” – Babatunde Raji Fashola.

Don’t disregard the labour of our heroes past, may the man with the most votes win. Eku elections (Happy election)!

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DEAR PRESIDENT MUHAMMADU BUHARI

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Dear Mr New President, let me first of all congratulate you on your victory in the Nigeria-Decides 2015 General Elections; it was a very tight race but you finished first, felicitation! I am sure the 28th of March 2015 is a day you shall never forget. Now, to the reason I write; all protocols observed, sir, I have a long list for you.

First and foremost on the list is my plea to you to finish the good works that the current and previous administrations have started. Few they may be, I implore you not to take over the presidential seat with the huff and puff that we have seen many times in the past with elected public servants, abandoning the good projects of previous administrations. It is known that four years is often not enough time to complete a significant number of long term projects and so on behalf of those who may see as I see, I ask that you lend a finishing (or sustaining) hand to the good works that Nigeria presently has in its pipeline. Give us continuity irrespective of whose brain child the projects are.

Secondly, Nigeria our beloved country has accepted your mantra of zero corruption and has decided to give your ideals a chance. As I wrote in my previous article, ‘Nigeria Decides: And The Winner Is...’ dated 27th of March 2015, I stated that your zero tolerance slogan would be the reason for your victory. Sir, we have given you a chance and we expect a show of good faith from you, show us that your mantra is more than just a jingle; do something positively drastic! For me, the best way you can prove to Nigerians that you are truly here for change is to cut down the salaries of political office holders throughout the country. I believe the office of the president has the authority to affect such a change even if not directly. Our legislators are indisputably amongst the highest paid public servants in the world with approximate annual incomes of well over N360 million each while their counterparts in the US receive N27.6 million and the UK receive N15.6 million (Phillip Eta, 2012). The same Federal Legislators gulp about 25% of Federal Government overheads, as reported by CBN Governor emeritus, Sanusi Lamido Sanusi (N136.2 billion out of N536.2 billion). These figures are debilitating to the more than 60% of Nigerians living below the poverty line, less than one dollar a day, barely a loaf of bread. Sir, let’s see your change.

All partisanship aside, it has been noted even by some of the Channels television election consultants that part of the reason for your victory in the recent campaign was the massive support you received from the ‘Poor Nigerian’, it appears you are their hero. I remember while growing up sir, travelling along the Benin-Ore expressway to my home town for festive seasons, I remember seeing some people who I was taught were lepers, positioned in makeshift palm-frond shelters by the roadside asking for alms, I remember my mother often giving something, as we say, to these lepers as we passed by. Yes leprosy, the illustrious disease of old, those are Poor Nigerians.

Lepers like most other unfortunate and vulnerable Nigerians live in appalling conditions. In the particular case of these diseased, they live in colonies such as the Uzuakoli colony, Minna leprosy village, Nnewi leper home, Omu-Aran leprosarium and others built by missionaries like Dr A. B. McDonald during the colonial era. Since the departures of the missionaries however, most of them have been neglected, our people have been abandoned! There is a lack of basic healthcare, shelter, food, clothing and general social security. We want to see all these change in the next four years, at least set us on the right path.

Nigeria has within the last year survived a triple threat of Ebola, oil price crash and election violence scare; we are a resilient and blessed people. If you try to take our lights we will put on generators, if you try to take our water we will dig bore holes, if you don’t give us medicine, we will take agbo (local herbs), essentially, we will survive, but we are tired of surviving, we want to live!

Finally sir, I wish to say to you; let your dreams for Nigeria be larger than your fears, let your actions speak louder than your words and last but by far not the least, let your faith in your country be stronger than your feelings.

God bless you Mr New President and God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria!

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