GLO WITH PRIDE

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Before we begin I must first and foremost state that this is not a paid editorial, in other words, neither Globacom Limited nor any of its subsidiaries has remunerated me in cash or in kind to affect the title of any of my art, to in anyway positively or negatively influence the ministry of Globacom Limited. Now that I have said that, let me equally say this:

"Uncle Adenuga, your boy is loyal o!" 

*Prostrates* 

So where were we? Ah, yes. On May 16, 2001, MTN became the first GSM network to make a call in Nigeria - ah ahn clap for them nw, is it easy?. I can remember this vividly because both my parents got new sim cards at a price of about ₦20,000 each and my mum in particular purchased, to use with her new MTN line, a rock solid Nokia 3310 that could survive a drop from the top of Aso Rock, Zuma Rock or even Mount Kilimanjaro, aswear! It was a period of euphoria because this new wireless technology had just saved millions of Nigerians from the ineptitude, nonchalance and outright disrespect of the service called NITEL that they had been forced to live with, without choice, for innumerable years; those were darker times. For saving us, I will forever be grateful to the ‘Everywhere You Go’ network. 

In August 2003, Glo Mobile was launched in Nigeria and as soon as Uncle Mike’s team hit the ground, we all realised that our ‘saviours’ had indeed been exploiting us, milking us like the ignorant cows that we were. Globacom Nigeria came in with lower call rates, gave us the option of per second billing and drastically crashed the price of sim cards amongst the other gifts that they brought in their goody bag. At this point, it is important you know that Glo was the fourth GSM operator to be launched in Obodo Naija. This means that before the coming of our brother’s company, three foreign corporations were in cahoots to do us strong tin. Fortunately however, Glo stepped in With Pride and saved all of us some hard cash. I even remember that at some point, one could buy a Glo sim for ₦200 only and would receive ₦200 airtime for free! For saving us, I will forever be grateful to the ‘Rule Your World’ network.

I briefly mentioned in a previous piece titled After School Special that Nigerians have a certain ‘KKK-Kobo’ proclivity that is neither healthy nor healthful for our economy and I am about to pick up from where I left off. What I am about to say is completely and uttery biased so if you have a problem, feel free to use the door *opens door*. 

Many of us, Nigerians, are very guilty of using phones, yes mobile phones - give me a minute. You are probably curious as to what crime you have committed by owning your very own mobile device; probably a Turaya or a Sagem sef. I will tell your offense, it is called sim card - give me another minute.  A service provider sets up towers and masts in and around your neighbourhood and sells you a trademarked sim so that you can access his/her facilities to call babes/bobos, mugus, magas, colleagues and lest we forget, your family - they should come first you know. 

Now, let me ask you a question. Why are you using any other line but the one you should be using? You are probably foaming at the mouth now with excuses like their network is poor, their data service is slow and the likes but news flash people "Monkey no fine but im mama like am!" If we do not support our own, who will? We keep selling out our profits and opportunities for improvement and expansion and by so doing we deny our motherland of activating so much rife potential. I know our problems seem to be more intricate than a Shakespeare’s prose and even greater than the works by the world’s most published author; L. Ron Hubbard (1084 publications) but we still must do our best to untangle the intricate web and reduce the number of our problems by at least 1084. We need to support Made In Nigeria or Offered By Nigeria!

Let me utilize this opportunity to admonish and sternly warn all our indigenous companies. Bia, wetin dey worry all of you!? People are looking to support you and your struggle yet all you think of is how to cheat and exploit them and then you cry that there is no local support. Masa (Ghanaian slang for bros) better behave yourselves if not we will just completely ditch you! Have you guys seen the size of some local biscuits these days? Those things are so small! It is almost like they are now being made for dogs and pussy cats, no longer children going to school - *sings* 8 O'Clock is the hour of school. The one that busts my head the most is some very popular sausage roll whose name I shall not name that no longer has sausage inside, they are now just empty flower rolls painted pink in the middle. My mother swears that some new superior packs and hungry animal packs of our favourite spaghetti used to be the original size, so one can infer from this ‘swearing’ that the spaghetti producers have just #broughtbacktheoriginal product and are making us pay more for it, ridiculous!

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[Substitution] If you have been following my blog then by now you would have noticed that I tend to have a little extra gist midway every now and again and since the English Premiere League has resumed it is only apt that I call this one ‘Substitution’ - I hope you also watch the Nigerian Premiere League. 

Right, so almost everywhere you go in Nigeria today: shop shop shop, have we lost all sense of decency and planning? I know I'm saying Glo With Pride and support local industry but Nigeria is turning into a rowdy market! Even in our traditions and customs, a man does not make a market out of his own home let alone his father's house. That is why we have different words for home and market in every language. Today, however, in the middle of the express we sell pepper, in front of our houses we sell chewing gum and to my utmost irritation, we have converted parks, playgrounds and just good to see open space to flea market stalls for almost always not made in Nigeria products. We need to restore some discipline to our society. Maybe now that Buhari is here again, he will bring back his Kick Against Indiscipline (KAI) Campaign.

[Back To Glo] We have so many local products that are striving, competing with international products despite the difficulty of their operating terrain; I will give shout outs to Tito’s Furaghourt (Fura yoghourt), Beloxxy and God Is Good transport services; GIG has really stepped up its game. The essence of today’s revolution is to plant a seed in your mind so that the next time you decide to procure a service or buy a product you will either look at the competing labels to ensure that the one that wins your money is the one that is Made In Nigeria or you will ask to confirm which of the service providers is owned solely or mostly by Nigerians. Only and only when there is no Nigerian option should we then consider anything else but that should never even be the case.

Now let me end this piece with a lesson in economics to my rich kids whose parents have plenty free money lying carelessly around. The best way to save wealth is in the form of an interest yielding asset/venture, you should have noticed by now that liquid assets aka kudi/ego/owo will always just flow away and disappear. Now, even Bill Gates initially borrowed money from family to start up Microsoft and Dangote did the same to start up Dangote Industries. You too can try to do it big, especially if you know losing the cash will not hurt your daddy’s pocket, take the risk, the rewards could be far greater than you could have ever imagined, you could be the next numero uno on Forbes List. Besides, people with plenty money in the bank that are not doing anything with it are stalling our economy; be creative and invest!

The bottom line is whatever you do, in whichever way you decide to do it - please keep it legit o - support Nigeria and Nigerians and you will truly Glo With Pride!

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CROWD MENTALITY – LET’S TALK ABOUT IT!

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[Spoken Intro]

Now we're gonna talk about something serious

Yo! M.I., Yo! Chocolate City, Yo! Rythchus Era

[Before we begin, download the song ‘Crowd Mentality’ by MI and listen to it before or as you read; whichever you prefer, it is like the groundnut and this piece is the garri…soak up!]. Have you ever been the victim of a crowd action, flash mob or even a church mob, yes I said it, Church Mob? If you haven’t or even if you have, let me tell you my own story. The other day, the guys and I were driving home from a new joint just a few minutes from the house (don’t ask me what type of joint it was *evil smile*) and as we got closer back home, we noticed that a portion of the street leading to our crib, yes crib, had been completely blocked by a group of some sorts; this was past 11pm on a Friday night. It happened to be a crusade and the church people had set up chairs, speakers and all their ‘shuu the devil’ paraphernalia right there on the road; they were not simply passing by. The crusaders had apparently planned a week long campaign and were set to go against Beelzebub himself, their soiree was titled ‘Fire For Fire’ and this should have been my first red flag! 

[Rap 1]

If you don't have a mind of your own

Don't be disappointed, this is fine, be a clone.

Listen to me rhyme, I'm done trying to be mine all alone

And to make things connect like a spine to a bone

I've changed my mind I'd rather be the same as

All these fake ass entertainers

Make bad music just to rock in arenas

Use words like? (no bad language on radio)

‘Cos I tried hard to make the difference

Make the kind of music youse can use as reference

Everybody else say: let's dance

Who am I to tell them otherwise?

That's a job for Reverends

So I'm ready now to join the movement

Together press for negative improvement

Everybody or not

To forever end the search for life

The story starts to get interesting when we step out of our humble tokunbo motto (second-hand vehicle) and ask the ardent apostles to kindly clear a path for us to reach our own salvation (home). Believe me, there was no alternative, if there was, we would have taken it. At first, they completely ignored us but we continued to insist. I, in particular, thought it was utterly ridiculous for them to have blocked a road that is shared by many; Muslims, Native Doctors, Atheists and even other Christians, for whatever private reasons they might have had. So as you can guess, I spear headed the “Please move off the road” campaign and that was when it happened. Before the twinkle of an eye, these saintly singers suddenly transformed into a red-eyed ‘Kill The Boy’ (KTB) mob! I believe someone from within their ranks whipped up the frenzy by shouting “The devil has sent his agents to disturb us!” If we were still in the times of pitched forks and torches, I would have probably been toast, burnt at the stakes; but me sef I for know, I for no follow dem craze people talk, we for just jejely drive go my grandmamma house go sleep, lol (too long to translate). Fortunately, your boy has muscles - you know I am buff nw - and my brother and my cousins, the guys, were on the scene, so the battle of 'The Boys versus The Mob' was a stalemate.

[Hook]

So when I say jump (jump)

Everybody in the place dance (dance)

Everybody in the place move (move)

Everybody in the world just scream (scream! scream!!)

When I say jump (jump) Everybody in the place dance (dance)

Everybody in the place move (move)

Everybody in the whole world stop (scream? Huh? Oh-uh?)

At times I wonder what it is that makes people want to fit into the crowd and flow regardless of the direction, I wonder if they truly do have minds of their own. The funny thing about a crowd (negative ones especially) is that the individuals would alone probably not dare to do what it is they are doing as a bunch. In my opinion, this is cowardice! Real women (and men) stand on their own feet and own their own words and actions, they do not hide behind the mask of anonymity that numbers may provide. If you cannot stand alone to make a statement or take an action, then you have no right to hide in Simba’s pride to throw stones at Scar; Be a man, fight Scar mano a’ mano. I could recognise some faces in the KTB mob of that inglorious Friday and I can say without mincing words that up until then, I would have classified the owners of those faces as regular sunny-side-up citizens; docile as doves. 

[Rap 2]

If you don't have a mind for yourself

Don't be disappointed, this is good for your health

It's the road to riches and to diamonds and wealth

Redesigned it myself, to all Black people put your mind on your shelf

It's Ok to be poor, be needy

Better yet still care for more, be greedy

Everybody get mis-educated

Be lazy, fat, stupid with your mind sedated

No matter how many songs I sing

About truth, honesty, it'll never change a thing

I just wanna be rich and famous

The world is screaming out: Please entertain us!

Yo, the whole world is glass or plastic

It's split like refraction, need action drastic

So forgive me I'm a tad sarcastic

These venomous lyrics on my lips like chopsticks

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Classic examples of mob actions in Nigeria are so many, the most popular of which has been trademarked by the dastardly duo of Tyre and Petrol, needing only the loud cry of “Ole, ole…thief, thief!”, to bring an end to life of any unfortunate individual who may or may not have partaken in the act of borrowing without asking. If you remember the story of the ‘Alu-4’ of UniPort, Port Harcourt or if you even saw the gruesome images of what was done to those four alleged university students who probably woke up that faithful morning not knowing how their day (and sadly their lives) would end, then you will appreciate the urgency with which this buffalo mentality needs to be addressed. Nigeria and Nigerians have a Midas’ touch; whatever they set their hands to turns to gold, unfortunately, this is also true of dark arts. If #NigerianAtHogwarts were to be real, Lord Voldermort and all his Deatheaters would probably kiss our tushies but on the bright side, Harry James Potter would have been Hassan Jindu Pelumi.

[Hook 2]

So when I say sit (sit)

Everybody in the place stand (stand)

Everybody in the place jump (jump)

Everybody in the place scream (scream! scream!!)

When I say sit (sit)

Everybody in the place stand (stand)

Everybody in the world just jump (jump)

Everybody in the world be yourself (be yourself, be yourself)

Yeah, break it down, break it down, break it down (x3)

Here we go!

I remember watching a live study on television that was masqueraded as a live British game show. This unsuspecting live UK audience bought tickets for what they thought was a nice evening out and had no idea that they were to be part of an experiment. In the ‘show’, each person was given a replica of an identical mask (smiley face mask sef) and they, the audience, got to decide the fate of some bloke who was to be picked at random from a random drinking bar. The night went on and the audience had a blast (I honestly even caught a laugh here and there) but not a soul in that theatre knew that they were a living petri dish. The result of the experiment as juxtaposed to one in a lit room without masks, however, showed that as the night progressed this ‘faceless’ group become more and more comfortable with making decisions that would cause harm to their random bloke until the point where they made a choice that led the said John into a speeding car. Needless to say, that was the end of the show and also the point at which it was revealed to them that they had just part of a research (The real bloke never got hit, at the point where things began to become dangerous, a professional stuntman became their guinea pig and the blissfully ignorant bloke was left alone). 

[Rap 3]

So the moral of this song is

There are people walking around just like zombies

And it's so strange, how people are afraid of change

Afraid of what would happen if we re-arrange

So most Black people are just doing what the crowd do

Doing what the system say, that we're allowed to

So break free from the crowd mentality

And then we can start to build a new reality.

(Now you've got to know

Said you've got to know

And you've got to know

Who you are)

What am I getting at with all these words and rapping in-between? People tend to behave like yaks (Mongolian cows) and it can be irksome. I understand that there is a time to follow and be lead but this does not mean that one should become a cow. It no way on earth means that if you have a goat as a leader you should follow him (or her) and jump off a cliff, or am I wrong here (feel free to correct me)? Do not follow the crowd to do mumu; popular guy/babe will come out to say I do not like mathematics and you sef will follow and chant instead of sitting down to study or someone will say how can I work where I will only be paid 100k a month and you sef, mumu, will follow and talk instead of starting humble and growing, you don’t know his father is a Senator sharing  ₦9 billion wardrobe allowance.

[Hook 3]

So come on, everybody in the place fly

Everybody in the place dream

Everybody in the place be yourself (be yourself, be yourself)

When I say shine (shine)

Everybody in the place fly (fly)

Everybody in the place dream (dream)

Everybody in the place be yourself (be yourself, be yourself)

When I say sing (sing)

Everybody in the place speak (speak)

Everybody in the place c'mon shout (shout)

Everybody in the place be yourself (be yourself, be yourself)

When I say sing (sing)

Everybody in the place speak (speak)

Everybody in the place shout (shout)

Everybody in the place be yourself (be yourself, be yourself)

[The Talking About It Part] The way I see it, crowd mentality is a tool and like every other tool needs to be wielded by one who is worthy of it; a true leader. Unfortunately, a true and righteous leader may not always exist and that is why we are all still blessed with individual discerning to tell right from wrong. One thing people fail to realize is that once you are part of a group and that group is guilty of an act, each individual in that group is by extension guilty because as long as you were not vocally or otherwise opposed to the group action then it is taken that you either verbally acquiesced or gave your silent consent. The blood of every soul lost to Tyre and Petrol is on the hands of every individual that has ever joined to shout Ole and all those who stood idly by. The bottom line still of my story is be yourself!

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Be yourself

Yo! Be Black/Beautiful/Strong/Correct/

Nice/Good/Right/Tight/Alright/Creative/

Native/Real/Have Skills, Stand Tall

And be all you can be

(Now you've got to know

Said you've got to know

And you've got to know

Who you are)

And that’s all I have to say about that

Lyrics c 2008 M.I. & Chocolate City Music

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