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I initially considered calling this piece ‘Warrior Rabbit’ or ‘God of War Rabbit’ but finally I settled for what you can see at the top. I am still, however, a bit conflicted about what it should have been titled, so after having a go at the piece, you can decide for yourself what you would have preferred to call it.
So rabbits; those cute and cuddly creatures that we all THINK are extremely adorable - yea right. Have you ever seen one of those things turn into a ferocious monster? Have you ever seen one of those things go wild? Have you ever seen, a rabid rabbit!? No? I didn’t think so. Those fluffy bug eyed creatures can become beastly in the twinkle of an eye and those buck teeth that you think are only for nibbling on vegetables can become more dangerous than Zulu spears! - I kid you not. Then again, how would you know this dark side to creatures that are so small, so cute and so adorable that some of us even have them in our homes? They are somewhat like little children who we like to give carrots when they are good but what we tend to forget unfortunately, is that when they are bad, they need....the stick!
So rabbits; those cute and cuddly creatures that we all THINK are extremely adorable - yea right. Have you ever seen one of those things turn into a ferocious monster? Have you ever seen one of those things go wild? Have you ever seen, a rabid rabbit!? No? I didn’t think so. Those fluffy bug eyed creatures can become beastly in the twinkle of an eye and those buck teeth that you think are only for nibbling on vegetables can become more dangerous than Zulu spears! - I kid you not. Then again, how would you know this dark side to creatures that are so small, so cute and so adorable that some of us even have them in our homes? They are somewhat like little children who we like to give carrots when they are good but what we tend to forget unfortunately, is that when they are bad, they need....the stick!
A friend of mine said to me the other day, "Dude it's like you don't like lil kids mehn" and I laughed and said "Far from it mann". Let me tell you the background to this conversation before you think I am some kind of child hater. We, my friend and I, had just decided to go grab some shawarma from a regular joint (boys no fit dey soak garri everyday nw) and when we got there, some child-ling was, in my opinion, throwing the most annoying tantrum. I think the whole screaming, rolling and beating-back-at-parents episode put an expression on my face and my friend did not miss the look of irritation I was wearing. The rest of the conversation, you already know (Note, this child was too old for this kind of behaviour).
These days, parents do not seem to really be in control of their kids. Yes I know children will be children but back then, once your mother gave you ‘the look’, you knew all hell would break loose if you as much as breathed noisily; if she heard 'pim'. Today, however, you literally see a child screaming at the top of his or her lungs like a baby goat and even the father will be there - all the while I'm like OMG, his daddy is there too??. Let me just break it down for you like this, my father never beat us or anything like that while we were growing up, my mother was delighted to always 'set us straight' but besides, there was never any need because my brother and I had the righteous fear of God. Kids today, not so much.
Do you remember Dennis the Menace, that cartoon from way back in the day? The kid with the trademark scruffy, dark hair and evil smirk, the kid wearing a black and red stripped t-shirt; he was the World’s Wildest Boy! Denis was a badly behaved, visually rebellious and uncontrollable school tot who took pride in causing chaos and mayhem, aided by his trusty funny looking dog Gnasher. Denis the Menace is a perfect example of how naughty children turn out when they do not receive the stick; they become even more of a menace! Shun all the modern oyibo ways, kids actually need a little hard love. I am not talking about chasing a child round your compound or yaad (yard) with a broom or some other ungodly object or even plastering infant eyes with pepper - I hear people do these evil acts - I am speaking of a spank of reasonable force every now and again when words alone appear not to be enough. In fact, if you have really read any old English stories or followed a bit of history then you will know that oyibo headmasters back in the day were the kings of cane and koboko.
Sometimes I wonder what really is the cause of the increase in the number of tantrum throwing toddlers I seem to be coming across these days and sometimes I muse to myself that it might just be the names that we give our kids today that are making them go bananas. Names like Phelony, Nevaeh-Hope, Hashtag and in Nigeria in particular, Millionare, SuperStory, Unchangeable. Names like these can really affect a child’s psyche or make other children make fun of that child, leading to a whole nexus of future psychological issues.
Whatever the cause or causes may be, we are facing a critical problem that needs to be checked. Human beings are social creatures and ought to live together to truly survive and progress as a race but if the basic sense of community and discipline is not learned by the Homo Sapien when it is still young and impressionable then when it is old and stubborn it will only contribute chaos to the world.
Whatever the cause or causes may be, we are facing a critical problem that needs to be checked. Human beings are social creatures and ought to live together to truly survive and progress as a race but if the basic sense of community and discipline is not learned by the Homo Sapien when it is still young and impressionable then when it is old and stubborn it will only contribute chaos to the world.
Permit me here to digress further for a second while borrowing our friend the rabbit again. Apart from looking cute and eating carrots, there is something else Oryctolagus
cuniculus like to do, they like to multiply *evil smile*. The world’s population is expected to increase to 7.13 billion by 2040 - a 40% increase - we are multiplying like bunnies and I think this could be a problem. This is my opinion because as things stand, the demand we are putting on planet earth is already very high and if you are in doubt then go and research on global warming; polar ice-caps are melting, climate is fluctuating and natural disasters are on the rise. Again massive youth unemployment is another problem we are facing and yet we are looking to add more rugrats?? Whoever is planning to be doing any unnecessary mathematics should please stop it now and apply some birth control please; guiding the world’s population may help to curb some global issues.
[Back to the Matter] Your pimp hand needs to be strong! You have to practice that left-back-hand on a tree at least twice a day, morning and night, until you can comfortably take down a tree with just one slap. Then, even a side glance from you would put the fear of God in children and keep them in order. Dennis the what? Gerrarahia! Nga machi gi nti! Igbo for I wee treat your ₤cUk up! Children, kids, kpikin dem need beating! This is why we of the 1980s/90s generation all love our Nigerian mothers and that is particularly why #YouKnowYourMumIsNigerian has been trending for the longest time on social media, those women beat the crap out of us but still, the love is strong!
Now if you have been blessed with stubborn or troublesome progeny, do not fret nor be disappointed, just apply ‘the look’ and ‘the left hand of god’ and everything will be alright - never use the right hand, it does not instil the same fear of reckless abandon as does the left. Again, remembering that even Dennis the Menace saved his town from potential disaster once and also the fact that he was brilliant at mechanics, I believe there is always hope even for rabid rabbits but first they have to eat my foot! Nonsense!
[P.S.1] I love little kids and I don’t eat them for breakfast
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