THE BOGEY MAN’S TOWN

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Off in the shadows, deep down in far away closet-land, do you know who lives there?? The terrifying, spine-chilling Bogeyman! 

I have recently picked up quite the peculiar habit and by that I mean taking hot showers at the oddest hour, when the night sky is ink as black, when the man in the shadows comes out to play. Whenever I'm enjoying my new favourite pastime and something goes ‘bump’, I chuckle to myself and remember a time when such trifling sounds would have sent me flying, running faster than a rabbit escaping a fox - because I thought the petrifying Bogeyman was coming.

I chose to twist the description of my shower-hour night sky - ‘Ink as black’ instead of ‘black as ink’ - because it is apt to describe how what once was the descriptor can lose its place to the descriptee and become the described, do you follow? Let me break it down; bread is soft can become soft is bread or better yet Honourables (National Assembly) are wrestlers can become wrestlers are Honourables. The Bogeyman and his minions have designed and fabricated a thriller of a twister, my personal favourite and the greatest of all twisters; Nigeria lives in Darkness has become Darkness lives in Nigeria!

It has now been more than five decades since our independence yet the concept of steady light is still so far away, why? Even Ghana that we supply gas for their generating turbines has more stable power than we do. How is that even possible? Let me tell you *moves closer and whispers* someone keeps flipping off the lights...

The translation for those of us that do not understand coded gist is this, we get plenty thief for our country o. Nigerians tend to shy away from shouting out the truth but me, I am a new breed and I have a personal motto, “Say the truth or die lying.” Why is it that generating a few thousand megawatts of electricity has been so difficult despite the millions that have been poured into the power fuel tank? I will say it again *loudly this time* there is a man in the shadows whipping up twisters, tornadoes, NEPA, PHCN and other natural and unnatural disasters, God save us all.

So who is this Bogey-man and how does he do what he does? The answer to that question is quite simple but yet so complex, notwithstanding, you will get your reply. There will, however, be no naming of names - because there is no irrefutable evidence in my possession to corroborate this - rather a few things will be pointed out and you can decipher the identity of the Bogey for yourself. Nous commençons, We begin...

First, why should an individual who is simply an importer of fuel be on Forbes billionaires' list, one of only 29 in Africa for 2015 at that! A millionaire maybe but a billionaire, really?? I can wager that the bulk of fuel used in Nigeria is not for transportation - cars and trucks, the inevitable stuff - but rather for generators and private power supply. I give you my reason. 

According to a staff of one filling station very close to my house, they sell off 3 fully loaded fuel tankers on average in a week, but one week like that, when Johnny (President Emeritus Goodluck Ebele Jonathan) was still president, we had a bit of constant light. This fuel attendant told me that not up to a quarter of a single tanker was sold in that particular week! Now, are you really trying to tell me that you believe that the people who are making what I like to call ‘heavy light money’ will be willing to just release that égo to allow Nigerians see NEPA!? Mbanu! Not at all!

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Next you have the situation of generator importation. Open your eyes mate *Australian Accent* you and I both know that ‘oyinbo people dem’ - Americans, Europeans and sometimes Arabs and Asians - have relatively constant power supply in their respective countries. Do you even watch the news? Even in Syria and Bagdad of Iraq where they are fighting and constantly throwing bomb there is light, not to talk of places like Palestine and Israel where they have been fighting for years.

So what on earth stops electricity from entering your father’s house or your bachelor pad? Instead, it is for PHCN officials to ask your community to donate ówó to buy new transformer that they, the officials, will go and buy. The answer is simple, we have thieves! I can again wager that the number of generators we have in Nigerian homes is far more than what can be found in the homes of the countries producing these machines. So are you telling me that an entire country - like China or India - just decided to open shop for us out of the kindness of their hearts?! Please shift left abeg.

If you ask me, there must be a system in place that is benefiting some particular individuals, Bogeymen, some of whom without a doubt are supposed to be patriotic Nigerians - at least their international blood sucking partners are earning their motherland some foreign exchange. Somebody is making sure that we remain in the dark so that we will always need generators, and if you need a generator what do you do? You buy one of course, did I need to tell you that?

The reason night time showering has become part of my modus operandi is that mosquitoes have been attacking; no light equals no fans or air conditioning which means open windows and for some, doors, to allow air and unfortunately mosquitoes, hired killers, through. Are all we need not power stations, transmission lines and the fuel that is overflowing in our backyard? With all the funds that have been pumped into the sector, the Lord knows we should have more power than we need. The fuel and major generator importers along with other agents of darkness have become billionaires at our expense and even flagrantly donate to political parties who willingly accept such unscrupulous funds - all allegedly. Some of these agents even give bribes to Honourables ‘allegedly again’ and say it is an ‘undercover’ operation. (Google ‘Nigerian Oil Marketer Bribes Law Maker’)

The effect of our continued existence in the dark is debilitating to our economy and to us s human beings. On the average it reportedly costs three times more to generate electricity in your home than it does industrially. Would it be a crime if the now privatised electricity companies were proficient and we used that extra ‘fuel money’ to visit KFC or Mama Put or even just flex or buy agbada?

Now to the light issue itself. Yes we know General ‘No Nonsense’ Buhari is now our president and it seems that since he finally entered Aso Rock, some of the 'witches' that have been sucking our blood have been running away. We would honestly like to know the names of these mosquitoes, how they came to attach themselves and how they have managed to remain incognito for so long. Nevertheless, if #SaiBaba and #UncuFashola are permanently able to twist Nigeria lives in Light to Light lives in Nigeria, I tell you, even some certain water to wine Superstar would be proud of them.

Only light can truly dispel darkness and its shadow dwellers and when I say light, I mean 'Up Nepa!' As I was passing through a usually dark alley close to where I live, I realized it was well lit up; there was light. Again, I noticed the lingering tension and subtle aggression that were usually palpable were nonexistent. What shocked me the most was that the Area boys who were usually gruff and sullen were chatty and cheerful. I almost ran away on the count of 'too much happiness' - it could have been a trap, gats watch your back mahn. What am I trying to say, just for the simple fact that there was light, people were happy and smiling instead of suffering and feigning smiles.

Unfortunately however, the darkness is still pervasive and you know who lives in its shadows, but wait! If the Bogey man lives in the dark and the darkness lives in Nigeria then I guess that makes Nigeria, The Bogey Man’s Town! I hope he is not here to stay forever. 

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[P.S.] I came across an essay by a freshly discharged corper Mr Osarodion Ogbebor-Evans for the Nigerian Innovation competition. The contest’s topic was ‘How to Fight Poverty with your Profession’. As a Solar Systems Designer/Installer (Oboy see the guy title!), Mr Osa (I sure die say na Edo boy) projected that he can help to accelerate growth in the power sector which would snow ball into an increase in standard of living, a reduction in cost of production, a reduction in price of goods and an increase in food production by setting up solar farms in critical locations across the nation to strategically power rural and commercial areas. He states emphatically that this will play a key role in reducing the rate of poverty as his electricity has the potential to power irrigation and store houses, food production, even railways to transport people and products and much more. Mr Osarodion Ogbebor-Evans plans to set up a Renewable Energy Centre with a Design and Manufacturing Wing eventually within our very own boarders. I say we vote for Osa (Click on Osa!).


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