GREAT ASSASSINS, HIGHEST KILLERS

Hitman (Image Source)

What does it take to be a professional, a great assassin; the highest amongst killers? Does it take a stellar body count or is it the finesse with which the work is done? - The age old quantity versus quality dilemma. Whenever the word ‘assassin’ is mentioned or as Nigerians prefer ‘hired killer’, even the most inept English speakers know that merchants of death are prowling round in the developing conversation, ready to eliminate any target at a moment’s notice - you go fear killer. Throughout history, there have been many men renowned for the art, no, gifted in the science of spilling red juice just as effectively as children take apart blocks of Lego - you go fear talent. At this point I must warn that this piece is not for the faint of heart and so if you are squeamish, I must advice you to turn back now, go and read The After School Special, The Bogey Man’s Town or any other older piece.

[Back to the story] We will always remember the ‘greats’ like Britain’s Jack the Reaper aka Whitechapel’s 1888 Surgeon of Death who went after prostitutes, slashing throats and surgically removing internal organs; our very own Clifford Orji the Cannibal who roasted and ate fresh human flesh caught live at Oshodi Underbridge, Lagos - our own na only stomach infrastructure, ode - and America’s Richard Kuklinski aka The Iceman, a mob contract killer famous for freezing his victims to mask the time of their deaths, real cold!

Human beings are really high up on the killing chain, constantly inventing new ways and techniques to put an end to noisy neighbours, friends or for the professionals, clients’ problems. Richard ‘The Iceman’ kuklinski alone is speculated to have handled the demise of between 100 and 250 people from 1948 to 1986 for the DeCavalante Family; he was only one man, think of what others have been doing. To establish once and for all the identity of the true ‘highest’, one of the world’s leading billionaires turned philanthropist, Bill Gates, released new details on the biggest butchers - it seems Mr Microsoft is also a fan of hired killers - and guess who is standing tall at number one. Nope, it's not man *drum roll please* it is mosquitoes! 

Forget that their name comes from Spanish, sounds sexy and literarily means ‘little fly’, these ferocious insects are the biggest and baddest boys (and girls) and have reportedly claimed about 50% of every human life that has ever existed or so they say. Let me put things in better perspective for you. Sharks take out 10 lucky people for seafood every year, lions take another 100, crocodiles score ten times higher than the king of the jungle with 1000 and our best friends, dogs are positioned at number four with 25,000 hits. The top three as you can imagine are in another class of their own with snakes slithering an average of 50,000, man killing 475,000 of his own for sport or whatever his excuses - thank goodness I'm a Revolutionary from Mars - and mosquitoes *prostrates* taking the cake with a whopping 500,000 (estimate of 584,000 in 2013 alone) deaths each year! Igwe!!!

Mosquito (Image)

The top killers carry the plasmodium parasite - Anopheles species only, Culex and Aedes do their own thing - which they transmit through bites between dusk and dawn, you go fear timetable. There are several species of plasmodium but plasmodium falciparum is the most deadly to people usually resulting in....Fatality! Majority of cases of this disease are in Sub-Saharan Africa but it is a problem in 109 out of the total 196 independent nations of the world, 45 of which are African. Our continent accounts for 85% of global malaria cases and 90% of deaths worldwide; 85% of these are children below the age of 5. If you think snakes are bad because a black mamba bite kills in 15 minutes then think again: every 60 seconds a child dies from malaria, or so they claim. This tropical disease causes avoidable and catastrophic spending even more so in countries like Nigeria, where the National Health Insurance Scheme, NHIS, isn’t the greatest (Malaria kills 300,000 children annually in Nigeria).

Mal-aria, a word of Italian origin meaning ‘bad air’, is such a serious issue that fighting it is now a Millennium Development Goal (MDG); bad air costs an estimated $12 billion in year to year productivity. Treated nets, insecticides and Artemisinin-based combination therapy are helping to make the battle a bit fair but only education on environment and significant development can truly win the war; as things stand, there are still an estimated 207 million cases of plasmodium infestation each year. 

[Funny story] Despite the ferocity of these wild creatures, it is reassuring to know that music still soothes the savage beast. I noticed the other night while I was gallantly strumming my guitar in the Spanish flamenco style, as a bad guy that you know I am, a hoard of mosquitoes appeared before me and started dancing - aswear! Maybe they understand Spanish. I tried to take a picture but as soon as I stopped playing, they all flew away, true story! No mind me jare, I just borrow pesin guitar pose small, lol.

[Back to Assassins and Killer Malaria] There is probably nothing worse than a mosquito perching around your ears at night when you are trying to fall asleep, malaria probably is but that’s not the point at the moment. It makes me feel like pulling out a magnum and ending the discussion right there and then! *thug mode activated*. If you read last week’s piece then you will remember that I now shower late at night because of mosquito attacks but I have, however, realised the silver lining to this fluttery dark cloud. If mosquitoes bite you and you eventually get malaria, bruh, you go sleep like landlord! Seriously, however, I wish we could be free from these top class assassins just as Ireland is free from snakes so that we can dare to sleep under the moolight and stop losing all these lives. 

Assassin's Creed (Image Source)

[P.S.] I just thought it would interest you to know that there is such a thing as an Assassin bug; 10,000 deaths per annum with Chagas disease and also the Asian tiger mosquito; chikungunya virus and dengue fever, nasty stuff. 

Shout out to the Rebel CJ (@shadowreaver_), he's my go to guy on all affairs thug and mob, in fact, this piece had to receive his blessings before it was released, he is a Godfather. His right hand man, is a bad guys as well....Shakez Baba (this one na hitman o, he dey rap dey sing; he has this crazy Diamond Bank advert and all his stuff man, way too deep!).


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