The Real Holiday Makers

by Kika Simone

I was at the bank earlier this week, and I had a less than satisfactory experience, to say the least. I was there to pay for airline tickets, because I previously had trouble processing the payments online. It was a beautiful Harmattan day, a mish mash of sunny skies and cold wind, just the way I liked it. I had walked into the banking hall in a pleasant mood, but then ran into the case of the sour bank teller.

The client services officer was not rude, but she offered no warmth in the manner in which she attended to me. If I had to translate the experience into Igbo, it would come out like this:

 “Si’eba puo!”

*Translation*

"Hurry up and get out of here!"

“I did not like her attitude,” I huffed and puffed to my sister's hearing on our way out. She seemed to agree with me. I had every reason to be upset. We had been spreading the good cheer, singing and swinging towards the New Year, only to be served Grinch vibes for no apparent reason.

Oh well, these things happen. 

I thought about the bank teller again, as we stood waiting for a taxi. This time my mind offered another perspective. Would she rather be at work during the holidays? 

As our taxi crawled through the almost empty streets, pictures flooded my mind: Pictures of people who do not get to indulge in the holidays, the ones who cannot afford to, because they run systems so that the majority of us can have a Detty December. The real holiday makers. 

I spared a thought for restaurateurs, cooks, taxi drivers, club bouncers, and ATM technicians - how do they kickback, relax, and take a moment to prepare for the New Year? Do they get to share precious moments with their families, share home cooked meals and listen to stories with rapt attention, over a bottle of malt or coca-cola?

What’s more, there are the security guards, doctors, police officers, the airline hostesses, people who are always on call, 365 days a year. Love them or hate them, they always show up, no excuses, no regrets. 

I recalled strangers that had served me throughout the holiday, in particular the cashier at SPAR, resplendent in her yellow tulle lace dress, she had sold me ice cream on Christmas day; the Uber driver who had driven me to the airport days before, and called hours later to make sure I had arrived my destination safely. On the trip, he confessed that I was his third rider - he had only started driving the day before, and seemed to be struggling with Google maps.

It would not hurt to take a moment to show compassion, to appreciate the people who sacrifice their time and talents to make our vacations memorable. Say please and thank you, and mean it. Make small talk, if you have the time, for the little things matter. Don’t forget to smile. Leave tips if you can, a bit of kindness goes a long way. 

In all your merry making, remember that some people do not close down business to join in the festivities, just so that you can. 

Next

To New Beginnings

by Stepney Glory-Emeh

Hi everyone, so this is going to be my first and last blog post of 2018!!! Any one excited?!! No? No? Not You? Woow, not even you? D@mn! Real tears. 

Anyway, in case you've been wondering why I haven't put up any content through out the year, then we're in the same space because I've also been wondering the same thing. Let me sha blame the person that always receives blame when things go wrong, his name is... za Devil! 

I had to quickly scribble the content to end what I'll say has been an eventful year (before the year actually ends) and what, of course, kick-starts full-on political season. Yeah yeah, we're back to political talk again... I know I know, booooorrrriiiing. But yeah, it's another election just around the corner.  

Four years have surely coasted by, however terribly, or not so, that they have and as with every election, campaigns are on course and politicians are doing what they know how to do best. Despite all the politicking and events that come with elections, the end game is to get the electorate to vote a particular candidate into a particular office. This in my opinion is where the problem lies. 

The Nigerian electorate, largely made up of an uninformed, poorly educated and highly unmotivated population, will most likely not vote based on critical issues but rather on the possibility of temporary financial gain. 

Politicians capitalize on this sad reality to gain millions of votes every season. As the campaigns continue and the intensity increases, the greatest goal of any well-meaning person connected to this election should be voter education. Quite frankly, unfortunately, this is not something than can be easily achieved in four years let alone two months. 

The electorate need to know that voting and being voted for are their fundamental rights and so these rights should not be sold and ought not to be bought... shame on all the vote buyers out there. The basis of ethnicity and religion should be a back burner in the electioneering process. Competence, merit and forward looking ideologies need to be in the fore. Your vote is your power; if you are not happy with how things are going then by all means, vote to change the status quo, if you are comfortable with the status quo then vote for continuity. 

Again this is just something I scribbled to reintroduce myself to the blogworld because blog season is upon us! *Heavenly-choir-music 

Too much? Okay... I'm excited. I hope everyone had a wonderful 2018 because I sure did and I pray that everyone, including you reading this, has an even better 2019! 

Say amen. 

Next

Becoming...

by Ogonna Ezepue

What do you want to be when you grow up? I first heard this question when I was five, probably earlier. It was the base of many songs that we would sing and chant as kids. I wrote over a dozen essays on it through my primary education to my days at Queen's College. I answered questions on it from many well-meaning individuals. I was jarred to good behaviour with it by parents, teachers and principals when I was behaving bad. (Side note: I rarely behaved bad). I was asked to consider it when choosing subjects during my senior secondary school days and subsequently, courses at the university. I have as well, asked my own share of the question. Mostly to my younger siblings to get them to straighten up their grades at school.

We all have asked or have had to answer this question through our lives and we can definitely agree on one thing. Answering this question can be difficult. It especially becomes so as you grow older. Saying that you want to be a doctor when you're five years old is cute and ambitious; saying it to your parents when you're constantly flunking your Biology and Chemistry in senior secondary school makes you look pathetic.

It doesn't help that you have to respond to that question with well-laid out plans of how your 5, 10 and 20 year plans will help you achieve the "What" or you run the risk of receiving the pity look that says "Oh, look at her, she is so clueless about her future".

For me, I wanted to be a teacher when I was a child. As early as five, I was so sure that this was the ideal career path for me. I owned a blackboard and I would gather my friends and neighbours when they would come to our house to play. At the backyard of our house in Apapa, I would teach them English, Maths and other subjects that I had been taught in school and of course, wield my parent's cane and threaten to flog when they weren't listening because that's what teachers did right?

I guess my choice of a career path eventually worried my mother because she called me one day and asked the question and when I responded with "Teacher", she immediately said "You won't be a Teacher, my baby, but you can be a Lecturer. A Lecturer teaches students at the universities." To me, the use of Lecturer to describe the same teaching I was sure I wanted to do sounded more like a semantics problem but it was a bigger goal to my 9-year old self: Lecturer! That became my new answer to the big question and it was generally met with good expressions.

Well, I'm not a lecturer today and suffice it to say that my career path has changed tremendously in my 25+ years on this planet.

Yesterday, I started reading Michelle Obama's book: Becoming and in the preface, she said something insightful regarding that question. I had also earlier watched a clip of her on Oprah addressing this same question and her answer had strongly resonated with

me. In her own words:

"Now I think it’s one of the most useless questions an adult can ask a child—What do you want to be when you grow up? As if growing up is finite. As if at some point you become something and that’s the end."

She then goes ahead to list all the things she had been so far in her life. So I thought about myself and what I had been so far and of course, what I still intended to be and the answers made me happy and laugh and generally feel more positive about my future.

Okay, so far in my life: I have been a teacher. My life has been interspersed by long and short teaching periods. I've helped develop syllabus and craft lesson notes for my mom when she was setting up her school. I've guided more than one child towards learning the Alphabet and taught them how to count. I've tutored classmates on mathematics, literature, micro-economics and econometrics. I have been a writer. I'm written several un-original articles for an e-commerce website like: "5 Shoes Every Lady Must Have in Her Wardrobe", "10 Buys to Help You Keep Your New Year's Resolution", "5 Perfect Gifts for Your Girlfriend this Valentine", etc. You get the point. I have had many budding article ideas but few published original articles. (I intend to change that in the near future). I have crafted primers for radio

jingles and press releases.

I have been a social media manager. I've handled Twitter and Instagram pages for brands. (Mostly me saying, "It's Tuesday - have you shopped with us?")

I have been a mentor and life coach. I've helped people gain clarity about their futures and helped them see their own strengths.

I have been an aspiring economist. I have discussed and debated economic policies with classmates and senior colleagues in an organisation founded by Prof. Soludo himself.

I have been an auditor - participating in and leading audit teams for Big 4 clients in the financial services industry.

I have been a student of life and relationships. Making big fails, senseless mistakes, falling in love and getting back up.

Of course, at just 25 with some 50 years (or more) to spare, I still want to be many things. At the time of writing this article: I want to be an educator, delivering broad-based technology and learning solutions that help people want to read and learn more. I want to be the lead strategic financial business partner for a multi-national brand delivering sound business insights and analysis. I want to be a fashion retailer, producing affordable fashionable clothing for working class women. I want to be a wife and a mother.

Whether or not I finally become one or all of all those things is not that important to me. Because I'm aware that life can cause this list to change very significantly at any point in time. I could marry a prince tomorrow and add princess to that list or suddenly decide to be an actress and scrap Finance off the list.

This is why I realised that the most important question in life should not be preceded by a What but a Who. Who do you want to be? It seems to be the only question that we can sufficiently answer by ourselves and should never change.

For instance: I want to be the person who gives her 100 percent in anything she does and is not marked by mediocrity but excellence. I want to not let fear ever stop me from doing the things that I want to do. I want to be a kind person who is honest about her feelings and considerate of the feelings of others. I want to be a person who is deliberate about thinking up and implementing ways to change the problems that she faces. And I want to be a person who never speaks ill of people but encourages others and spurs them to greatness.

See? All these things are things I can actually do while doing anything and should not change regardless of what I do.

So while we create our "What" lists, we might also want to consider having "Who" lists and encouraging our children and wards to write up one too.

Because, at the end of the day, the "What" lists are what we might articulate on LinkedIn but the "Who" lists are what our family, friends and acquaintances remember us for.

Next

Expectations

Extinguish expectations from your mind and work with reality
When expected enthusiasm wanes to heavy footed drudgery and an endless need for inspiration,
Let it be.
Restrategise, reorganise and focus on the objective

Cut off dead weight with your sharpest blade
If it is chained then let it drag
If dragging will retard you then carry it
Find a blacksmith, cut that chain and be free from your negative load

Extinguish expectations from your mind,
even more so when reality takes a different fork in the road
When efforts seem not to have paid and 'failure' & fatigue seem to be all you know
What matters most is you did your best, if so then forge ahead

Hold on before you do
This is what it means to learn, to grow
Do analyse your absence of success
Because failure to appraise means being bound to fall by a similar hole

Extinguish expectations from your mind
Remember that all men are selfish, and women too
At the base of every heart is only me
and you are sure to die if it is between you and me

"He sold me out"
"I can't believe she did that",
"After 20yrs you do this to me!"
The summary of the tree is/was expectation.

Solution? Let there always be another plan.



Next

Silence Is Consent

When blood flows through the Benue,
but we all turn to face the Niger,
what do we say to the merchants of manslaughter?
Let it flow.

When blood flows through Enugu,
but we feel safe and secure in Lagos,
what do we say to the rapers of farmers' wives?
Carry go, no shaking.

When blood flows through Ikorodu on the alter of 'O',
but we are surrounded by police in Alausa or Ikoyi,
what do we say to the ritualists' ministers?
The more, the merrier.

The truth is bitter but it is better,
only tomorrow will be our judge,
and we may never pay for our silence,
but there will always be blood on our hands.

Today, our silence is consent.



Next

These Victims, Why Are They So Loud?

By Adaora Orajuba

Edited by Juwah C.A.

In the past month — due to numerous reveals (AGAIN) relating to sexual harassment and assault in Hollywood — I’ve read a number of questionable opinions, advice and thoughts via twitter, Instagram and so many other online platforms, and although shared by various people whom I don’t even know, these thoughts, advice and opinions seem to converge at some point — the point of victim blaming. 

It comes across to me that most of these, I’m going to call them, Good Fellas, did not do much, if at all any, critical analysis on the behavior of actual suspected culprits, the men. These free advice givers and 'thoughtful opinionists', I have discovered, are a mixture of members from team #NotAllMen and Good Girls Are Safe. 

Now, one branch of the Good Fellas (including Mayim Balik. Chei) just drops tips for young women on how to survive in any space and you may wonder, "survive"? Ah yes, because in 2018 young women are still being cloaked with the cape of prey; they are not to live, they are to survive. All because of preying men? Wonderful! 

In no particular order, here are the tips:

·    Don’t party with men! Good, just attend parties tagged ‘Sistaz only’!

·  Don’t drink when men are around! You can’t trust them not to put stuff in it!

·  Don’t meet up for official appointments with men! Never honor business/work  appointments because you can’t expect them not to make sexual advances!

·  Don’t flirt (back) with men! Don’t shoot any shot in real life! How dare you expect not to be taken advantage of after expressing interest?!

·    Don’t dress to attract: Don’t wear                   revealing/fitting clothes, adulterous red       lipstick, heels, sensuous perfumes, in           fact, don’t be pretty! Yeah, I don’t                 even  know what on earth this                    means. Oh wait! Veiled Yemeni women    who have     been raped must have            shown ankle            skin. 

They go on and on and on, so many tips that they are actually an impractical manual of how to escape sexual harassment and assault. Know what’s easier than expecting men and women to coexist with mutual love and respect? Answer: women not being on the same planet with men, or at least that's what history is starting to tell us. Women should be on Venus and men on Mars but what we forget, ironically, is that men are not even safe from preying men. Lol.

The other branch of the Good Fellas advises us on the proper way victims should react in the face of assault/harassment. Meaning...if you did not or do not react a certain way, your claims are invalid? They all ramble but here’s a summary of what I read every time:

· Simply tell your harasser/assaulter, "NO!" A good old "NO!" always saves the day.

· Just leave the premises. Run, Forrest! Run!

· Never speak to nor be around them again! Yes, exit the boardroom, firm, industry and       even school, no career is that important.

· You don’t have to report/speak up if it’s not that serious (i.e if you weren’t actually             touched)! Is someone a thief if they didn’t actually take your money after trying to?

· You should have spoken up/reported when it happened, not after 30 years! True, a             murder's sins are washed away after 30 years, without asking for forgiveness.

· Date rape? It was a normal thing back then, boys couldn’t have known better. It was still     the 20th century!

·  Get a life! Move on! Why ruin the career your assaulter has worked so hard for?! These     people are more hurt about their idols being called out for the scum they are. Not one   bit of damn is given for the victims.

So you ask, why are these victims so loud? From the numerous reveals the answer should be clear to most, if not all of you; justice. These victims tell their stories despite the unbelievable stigma that may follow to save the next woman from being just another victim, a statistic to the thoughtful opinionists and others with questionable advice.

Next