Becoming...

by Ogonna Ezepue

What do you want to be when you grow up? I first heard this question when I was five, probably earlier. It was the base of many songs that we would sing and chant as kids. I wrote over a dozen essays on it through my primary education to my days at Queen's College. I answered questions on it from many well-meaning individuals. I was jarred to good behaviour with it by parents, teachers and principals when I was behaving bad. (Side note: I rarely behaved bad). I was asked to consider it when choosing subjects during my senior secondary school days and subsequently, courses at the university. I have as well, asked my own share of the question. Mostly to my younger siblings to get them to straighten up their grades at school.

We all have asked or have had to answer this question through our lives and we can definitely agree on one thing. Answering this question can be difficult. It especially becomes so as you grow older. Saying that you want to be a doctor when you're five years old is cute and ambitious; saying it to your parents when you're constantly flunking your Biology and Chemistry in senior secondary school makes you look pathetic.

It doesn't help that you have to respond to that question with well-laid out plans of how your 5, 10 and 20 year plans will help you achieve the "What" or you run the risk of receiving the pity look that says "Oh, look at her, she is so clueless about her future".

For me, I wanted to be a teacher when I was a child. As early as five, I was so sure that this was the ideal career path for me. I owned a blackboard and I would gather my friends and neighbours when they would come to our house to play. At the backyard of our house in Apapa, I would teach them English, Maths and other subjects that I had been taught in school and of course, wield my parent's cane and threaten to flog when they weren't listening because that's what teachers did right?

I guess my choice of a career path eventually worried my mother because she called me one day and asked the question and when I responded with "Teacher", she immediately said "You won't be a Teacher, my baby, but you can be a Lecturer. A Lecturer teaches students at the universities." To me, the use of Lecturer to describe the same teaching I was sure I wanted to do sounded more like a semantics problem but it was a bigger goal to my 9-year old self: Lecturer! That became my new answer to the big question and it was generally met with good expressions.

Well, I'm not a lecturer today and suffice it to say that my career path has changed tremendously in my 25+ years on this planet.

Yesterday, I started reading Michelle Obama's book: Becoming and in the preface, she said something insightful regarding that question. I had also earlier watched a clip of her on Oprah addressing this same question and her answer had strongly resonated with

me. In her own words:

"Now I think it’s one of the most useless questions an adult can ask a child—What do you want to be when you grow up? As if growing up is finite. As if at some point you become something and that’s the end."

She then goes ahead to list all the things she had been so far in her life. So I thought about myself and what I had been so far and of course, what I still intended to be and the answers made me happy and laugh and generally feel more positive about my future.

Okay, so far in my life: I have been a teacher. My life has been interspersed by long and short teaching periods. I've helped develop syllabus and craft lesson notes for my mom when she was setting up her school. I've guided more than one child towards learning the Alphabet and taught them how to count. I've tutored classmates on mathematics, literature, micro-economics and econometrics. I have been a writer. I'm written several un-original articles for an e-commerce website like: "5 Shoes Every Lady Must Have in Her Wardrobe", "10 Buys to Help You Keep Your New Year's Resolution", "5 Perfect Gifts for Your Girlfriend this Valentine", etc. You get the point. I have had many budding article ideas but few published original articles. (I intend to change that in the near future). I have crafted primers for radio

jingles and press releases.

I have been a social media manager. I've handled Twitter and Instagram pages for brands. (Mostly me saying, "It's Tuesday - have you shopped with us?")

I have been a mentor and life coach. I've helped people gain clarity about their futures and helped them see their own strengths.

I have been an aspiring economist. I have discussed and debated economic policies with classmates and senior colleagues in an organisation founded by Prof. Soludo himself.

I have been an auditor - participating in and leading audit teams for Big 4 clients in the financial services industry.

I have been a student of life and relationships. Making big fails, senseless mistakes, falling in love and getting back up.

Of course, at just 25 with some 50 years (or more) to spare, I still want to be many things. At the time of writing this article: I want to be an educator, delivering broad-based technology and learning solutions that help people want to read and learn more. I want to be the lead strategic financial business partner for a multi-national brand delivering sound business insights and analysis. I want to be a fashion retailer, producing affordable fashionable clothing for working class women. I want to be a wife and a mother.

Whether or not I finally become one or all of all those things is not that important to me. Because I'm aware that life can cause this list to change very significantly at any point in time. I could marry a prince tomorrow and add princess to that list or suddenly decide to be an actress and scrap Finance off the list.

This is why I realised that the most important question in life should not be preceded by a What but a Who. Who do you want to be? It seems to be the only question that we can sufficiently answer by ourselves and should never change.

For instance: I want to be the person who gives her 100 percent in anything she does and is not marked by mediocrity but excellence. I want to not let fear ever stop me from doing the things that I want to do. I want to be a kind person who is honest about her feelings and considerate of the feelings of others. I want to be a person who is deliberate about thinking up and implementing ways to change the problems that she faces. And I want to be a person who never speaks ill of people but encourages others and spurs them to greatness.

See? All these things are things I can actually do while doing anything and should not change regardless of what I do.

So while we create our "What" lists, we might also want to consider having "Who" lists and encouraging our children and wards to write up one too.

Because, at the end of the day, the "What" lists are what we might articulate on LinkedIn but the "Who" lists are what our family, friends and acquaintances remember us for.

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