By Adaora Orajuba
Edited by Juwah C.A.
In the past month — due to numerous reveals (AGAIN) relating to sexual harassment and assault in Hollywood — I’ve read a number of questionable opinions, advice and thoughts via twitter, Instagram and so many other online platforms, and although shared by various people whom I don’t even know, these thoughts, advice and opinions seem to converge at some point — the point of victim blaming.
It comes across to me that most of
these, I’m going to call them, Good Fellas, did not do much, if at
all any, critical analysis on the behavior of actual suspected culprits, the
men. These free advice givers and 'thoughtful opinionists', I have discovered,
are a mixture of members from team #NotAllMen and Good Girls Are
Safe.
Now, one branch of the Good Fellas
(including Mayim Balik. Chei) just drops tips for young women on how to survive
in any space and you may wonder, "survive"? Ah yes, because in 2018
young women are still being cloaked with the cape of prey; they are not to
live, they are to survive. All because of preying men?
Wonderful!
In no particular order, here are the
tips:
· Don’t party with men! Good,
just attend parties tagged ‘Sistaz only’!
· Don’t drink when men are
around! You can’t trust them not to put stuff in it!
· Don’t meet up for official
appointments with men! Never honor business/work appointments
because you can’t expect them not to make sexual advances!
· Don’t flirt (back) with men! Don’t
shoot any shot in real life! How dare you expect not to be taken advantage of
after expressing interest?!
· Don’t dress to attract: Don’t wear revealing/fitting clothes, adulterous red lipstick, heels, sensuous
perfumes, in fact, don’t be pretty! Yeah, I don’t even know
what on earth this means. Oh wait! Veiled Yemeni women who have been raped
must have shown ankle skin.
They go on and on and on, so many
tips that they are actually an impractical manual of how to escape sexual
harassment and assault. Know what’s easier than expecting men and women to
coexist with mutual love and respect? Answer: women not being on the same
planet with men, or at least that's what history is starting to tell
us. Women should be on Venus and men on Mars but what we forget,
ironically, is that men are not even safe from preying men. Lol.
The other branch of the Good Fellas
advises us on the proper way victims should react in the face of
assault/harassment. Meaning...if you did not or do not react a certain way,
your claims are invalid? They all ramble but here’s a summary of what I read
every time:
· Simply tell your harasser/assaulter,
"NO!" A good old "NO!" always saves the day.
· Just leave the premises. Run,
Forrest! Run!
· Never speak to nor be around them
again! Yes, exit the boardroom, firm, industry and even school, no
career is that important.
· You don’t have to report/speak up if
it’s not that serious (i.e if you weren’t actually touched)! Is
someone a thief if they didn’t actually take your money after trying to?
· You should have spoken up/reported
when it happened, not after 30 years! True, a murder's sins are
washed away after 30 years, without asking for forgiveness.
· Date rape? It was a normal thing
back then, boys couldn’t have known better. It was still the 20th
century!
· Get a life! Move on! Why
ruin the career your assaulter has worked so hard for?! These people
are more hurt about their idols being called out for the scum they are. Not one bit of damn is given for the victims.
So you ask, why
are these victims so loud? From the numerous reveals the answer
should be clear to most, if not all of you; justice. These victims tell their
stories despite the unbelievable stigma that may follow to save the next
woman from being just another victim, a statistic to the thoughtful
opinionists and others with questionable advice.